if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
