google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Green mimosas i think yes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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