you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
