areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
