He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
