Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
