i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
