Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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