I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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