he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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