Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
