my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this just has baby written all over it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
