Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
