either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
