yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
