I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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