I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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