this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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