she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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