do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
