He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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