We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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