Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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