If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
