My room smells like vodka and shame
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
