For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
