hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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