today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
