By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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