I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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