i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
