Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just forgot I was standing up.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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