Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
