My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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