fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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