Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
