Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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