I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
