Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
