Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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