Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
