Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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