Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
