I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
