I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm both gender and math confused
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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