i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
