I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
