a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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