I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
