booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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