Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
