let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
