Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
