why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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